From the title you may have thought that I am some kind of "men expert". Well, that would be very funny if you thought so. Because I am not anything close to a "men expert". When my husband and I got married, we would fight often, as many new couples do. I had very high expectations and was very critical to most things my husband would do. For some reason, I thought I could change my husband and make him the way I wanted him to be by continually critisising him. Oh, I was so wrong!! Unfortunately, it took me a while to understand that the only person I could change was myself! A really good friend of mine recommended that I read a book (she has a book about almost anything).
The book was titled, "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. The book was very eyeopening to me and it changed my perspective in many things.
One of my favorite quotes from the book, which best summarizes the whole book according to me, says, "Remember, men are simple creatures and very dependent upon their wives for ACCEPTANCE, APPROVAL, AFFECTION. When those three A's are restored, all in well in their world."
Now, this quote is not to make men sound weak. I value men for being "simple" and not complicated as some women are. I value them for needing to be loved because it is amazing that inside a strong man is a tender spirit. And we women are blessed to see the soft side of our husbands, that side that no one can see. For this reason, I believe that we need to nurture our husbands with love and tender care.
I have picked a few quotes that I believe will answer some of the questions we women have or some of the frustration we as women feel in regard to our husbands. I want to use her direct quotes because they are just so great!
1. When our husbands make a mistake or when we think they are making a mistake.
"Wives need to love their husbands as though they have never been hurt before, otherwise, they destroy today"
2. We get caught up on small and unimportant things
"One small step toward a wife's taking responsibility is to keep lips buttoned over things that do not really matter"
3. We criticize our husbands by the way they do things or by how they spend their time etc.
"My advice is that if you continue to nag, control, and be an unpleasant person to be around, then your husband is not going to want to be around you or treat you how you want to be treated.
4. We hold grudges. (I believed that this was my secret arm to make my husband feel guilty. That is so mean of me, right?)
"The cruelest thing a wife can do to a husband is to never be happy and don't forget. Being happy is more and attitude than a reality."
I hope you keep these quotes in mind and try to apply them in your lives.
Do you have a favorite quote or lesson that you have learned which has helped you in your marriage? Please share it with me.
May God bless all your marriages!!!
Warmly,
Juliana
I am not married yet but I think this 4 points apply to having a healthy date life as well. Even when things with our dates don't go in the direction we want them to go. If we have applied this 4 point we will feel good about ourselves and how we treat others. We will always would have contributed for good in the heart and mind of the x date,boyfriend,fiance,husband. I think we treat others as we treat ourselves. That's why before we criticizes our x- partner we should look if we do,say,or think like they do in a certain thing. We know we are different but are a lot a like in acting very similar way towards each other. Especially in relationships. We hurt when we feel hurt. We yell back when we are yelled at etc. I have come to learn that we should love ourselves in a very genuinely and gentle way first. When we get that right we will be so even in the most frustrating moments with our partners and even other people.( I know that to be true) To practice this method. 1- We need to record how we treat ourselves when we realize we had a bad thought. Said something bad. Did something wrong or bad. 2- Do we beat ourselves down? 3- Do we say mean things to ourselves? 4- Do we have a hard time forgiving ourselves and letting it go? That is a grudges towards our-self. What would be like if we do the opposite of all this to our self first? We tell our self it ok. I still love you and I still will take good care of you.( We literally need to tell this to ourselves) Just try and you will see a huge difference,how yourself will respond.How much happier and how much better your brain,body will function? It will help you more in achieving things you never thought you could or would. You made a mistake. You said something wrong. You did something bad. You hurt someones feelings etc. Think what is right now and you can do better. I still love you(me) and we both can do better. Let's go and fix this with hope that others will respect and accept our honest desire to fix things. How nice are we at ourselves is gonna be how nice we will be at our dates,boyfriends,fiance and then to be our husbands for this time and all eternity. This might sounds like I got this just right and I do this pretty well already. I wish. But I am trying. I know this,because I sure did mess up before. I am glad God has given us all the chance to love ourselves,forgive ourselves,be kind and nice to ourselves. Then love others as ourselves. Love thy neighbor as thy self. When we are missionaries our first neighbor that we need to love as ourselves is our companion. When we are married our first neighbor we need to love as ourselves is our husband or wife. DON'T FORGET. DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF AS THY FATHER LOVES YOU? Let us learn to love ourselves gently,genuinely and patently. Let us not criticize ourselves. Judge ourselves. Beat ourselves up/down,because we will never be able to love and see ourselves as Jesus and our Heavenly Father loves and sees us. Even less will we be able to love and care for our spouses that way. Love thy God with all thy heart,mind and might. Love thy self. Love thy neighbor like thy self. Be kind to yourself. Be nice to yourself. Say nice and kind words to yourself. Compliment yourself. Congrats yourself even for the tiny daily accomplishments. As you do this to thy self you will be so willing and perfectly happy to do this to your husband,children,co-workers etc without thinking how nice or kind they are being to you. That is loving someone like Christ loves them. Because we loves the world even that the world doesn't want to love Him back. P.s Juli I truly enjoyed your insightful writing on this topic. You are a wonderful spouse,friend and Mom. Thank you for your wonderful loving and caring example you show and give to all those around you. Love you so much. Keep writing.Keep trying one day we all will learn to love perfectly. Like God does love every single soul on this planet.:)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Alma! I really appreciated your thoughts. I had never thought of this perspective that if we love ourselves, it will be easier for us to love and be kind to others, especially our significant other. Thanks for being so open about your thoughts on this matter.
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